toothpastepancake | Entries tagged with personal

Happy New Years Eve, everyone! 2025 has been… filled with a lot of ups and downs, but it ended up being the best year of my life so far. I'm so grateful I stayed alive to see it!

In 2025, I finally started treatment for a 20-year-long treatment-resistant depression that actually worked. I had tried every widely available drug, including off-label usage, and still could only think about how much I wanted to die every day. Finally, I started a newer one, Auvelity in combination with ketamine treatment, and that's the thing that worked. Now I don't want to die! It can still be hard sometimes, but I am so, so proud of myself for hanging on and getting through it. I'm so glad I'm not 24/7 death anymore.

In 2025, I learned a goal that I have always wanted to: self-host my own websites. Goodbye Neocities! I just built my own personal website in Ruby on Rails. I self-host Archive of our Own and expanded the code to have new features. I host a bunch of different websites. I have always wanted to have the ability to do these things, but I never saw myself as capable enough to even try. A lot of this is due to encouragement from my wonderful friends—you know who you are. If you have helped, encouraged, guided, cheerleaded, or even listened to my ramblings on these silly nerd topics—thank you. Seriously.

In 2025, I found people who I trust to truly love and care for me. This is a feeling I haven't had since I was about 18. Many of my friends before were highly judgemental and mean to me--they also didn't even notice when I disappeared from my old social media accounts. (I don't have irl friends because I'm housebound lol). I feel like I have a solid group of friends now. I'm so grateful for each and every one of my friends—and for you all too even if we've never talked before!

In 2025, I got an amazing bird who I love to bits and pieces!! Gotta get her in for a nail trim. Love you, Saira.

In 2025, I wrote 127.8k words!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the most productive year of writing I have ever had. A lot of it is because I started doing fic exchanges this year, and I've had so much fun with those!!

My 2025 has been great. I hope you have all had a wonderful 2025, and will have a wonderful 2026.

Sorry I haven't been on much; I've been sleeping 16-20 hours a day! I'm getting tested for narcolepsy or idiopathic hypersomnia soon, I just keep having these attacks of sleepiness and then sleeping for hours and hours and hours. I've been trying to write and do fandom things but I just am struggling so much with it when I'm sleepy all the time :( but I hope you're all doing well!

Hello dw :)
( Personal )

( Fandom )

Current Mood: curious

( Personal )

( Fandom )
That's it I think :)

Current Mood: cheerful

Hello, happy week :)

( Personal )

( Fandom )

That's all for now, I think, DW!

Current Mood: tired

Hello all! From now on, I will be separating each new update between personal life and fandom stuff so you can choose.

TW for personal: medication, mental health (not bad)

( Personal )

( Fandom )

That's all for now. Thanks for reading :)

Current Mood: accomplished

Hello, Dreamwidth!

( Personal )

( Fandom )

I think that's all I've got for today. I have three doctors' appointments later on in the day. Great!

Current Mood: lethargic

I wish I could say I've been up to more than I've actually been doing. Mostly, I've been focused on my tech projects, my Fic in a Box assignment (only one assignment left to go!), and in between those I've been working on electronic music with my alter, as well as bitsy games, personal writing, and digital art. I have been doing the montly Minvember (Babylon 5 monthly prompt and palette challenge on Tumblr) stuff and it's been really fun, too. I'm trying sooo hard to finish a game one of these days. I keep joining jams and then never doing them.

My life's been pretty unexpectedly great lately, even if I've been struggling a bit with PTSD and paranoia as of the past few days. I'm in a place where I can reach out to others for reassurance without feeling bad about it, and I think that's a really good place for me to be in. It's an accomplishment for sure. I'm so grateful for all the good things I have. It's a little insane to me that I feel content and finally see a future for myself.

I find myself dreaming a lot about the future lately. I hope mine is beautiful. I am going to try so hard to make it beautiful, and to make the lives of my loved ones equally as beautiful.

I usually don't go places besides my ketamine treatments, but I find myself both satisfied for once with my online life and wishing I wasn't so housebound. I find that I am happy talking to my loved ones on Discord and playing with my bird and writing silly fanfiction. I wish I could go out and do things, to be a part of the universe around me, but that's simply not something my body will allow at the moment and I have to make peace with that. I think it'll all be okay.

What else?

Future self-hosting projects I'm going to be working on--
1) Personal blog
2) Community blogging or journalling site (a better one than Mourning Dove lol)
3) Reestablish forums
4) New features to my instances of OTWArchive

I have a lot to do! Mostly right now I am focusing on Sunset upgrades and bug fixes. It's been a wild ride with Sunset so far, but I do have a passion for it.

I don't really know what else to say, other than that I wanted to do a more in-depth update for once. I hope you're all doing well.

Some things I'd like to shout out:

Hotties Haunting the Narrative

Multifandom Poetry Fest

ficortreat

I wanted to wait until Battleship revealed to post my roundup, since that was most of what I wrote in July. But first, a brief update on me!

Thanks to the wonderful help of some DW friends, I'm officially:tm: self-hosting websites now. Some of my projects at the moment include:

fuck yeah femslash, a femslash-themed fediverse instance (if you'd like an invite code, shoot me a message!)
fandom.cooking, a fandom-themed communal recipe book for documenting (public domain) fandom-themed cookbooks as well as uploading user-created recipes. if you'd like a username/pw combo to add some fandom recipes to our site, please message me! :D

Future projects include:

femslash-themed Old School Style forums
femslash wiki, a wiki allowing people to upload information about their favorite femslash ships (trying to figure out how i can appropriately moderate this one lol, so it's only tentative)

This is mostly what I've been doing. My self-hosting hyperfixation is so bad I've been....... losing sleep.......

Anyway! July fics under the cut.

07-01. You were comforting and quiet, Yellowjackets, Laura Lee/Leonard, Explicit. 400w. Underage TW as it is teen timeline. Plushophilia fun. For JBB.
07-01. said, "feed your head / feed your head / feed your head", The Orville, Kelly/Teleya, Explicit. 700w. TW Dubcon. For JBB. So here Kelly Grayson is - captured by a woman who despises her, shucked bare by Krill hands. It does feel humiliating, but she doesn't have time for that.
07-01. Serendipity, Doom Patrol TV, Laura/Isabel, T. 700w. For JBB. Isabel walks over to her, leans in. She puts her hand on Laura’s shoulder, it’s a whole thing. “I hear someone’s looking for revenge on the Bureau of Normalcy.”
07-01. Flashback, warm nights, Doom Patrol TV, Laura/Isabel, 600w, Mature. For JBB. If she had Isabel's powers she would go back in time and tell God to write in his holy texts LAURA DE MILLE DO NOT FUCK ISABEL FEATHERS.
07-08. the unborn woods are calling, The Orville, Alara/Solana, Charly/Amanda, Mature. For JBB. Yellowjackets fusion. WIP. Incest TW.
07-31. practically perfect, The Orville, Alara/Solana, T, single drabble. For JBB. Incest TW.

My battleship fic can be found here <3

Looking forward to Fic in a Box!

Oh also I got a bird.

( Read more... )

Hey, all! It's my BIRTHDAY!!!!
( Read more... )

Hello friends :)

I just heard about three weeks for dreamwidth! I want to participate, but I'm not entirely sure how. I love DW and would like to celebrate - what do you usually post for this event? This is my first year actively using DW to journal. I will definitely try to recruit some new users.

Also, I'm very sorry for being absent, especially in the comms I run. My life has some unimaginable horrors going on right now, but I stay silly!

@3weeks4dreamwidth is celebrating Dreamwidth's anniversary!
Come join in for fun, memes, activities, and more ♥

a white curve at the top, red below with sequin effect snowflake shapes text snowflake challenge january 1 - 31 in red thin marker pen font on the white curve

You pick 5 categories of Recs.

You pick which category gets 5 recs.

Which one gets four, three… and so on.

I've been procrastinating on this one! Wasn't really sure how to make the categories.... I don't know... my-interests based rather than just general rec categories, but I wanted it to be something that had a flavor of me in it, since it's my list :P So!

( Five Internet Things/Tools/Etc I'm Really Enjoying )

Four Albums That Mean The World To Me (That Aren't Intimacy By Bloc Party Which Everyone Already Knows Is My Favorite Album Ever)

( Four Albums That Mean The World To Me )

3 TV Shows That Maybe Kinda Capture The Batshit Insane Weird Vibe I Love About A Certain TV Show

( 3 TV Shows That Maybe Kinda Capture The Batshit Insane Weird Vibe I Love About A Certain TV Show )
2 Poetry Books I Love

( 2 Poetry Books I Love )
1 Fic That Has Stuck With Me For Over A Decade
( 1 Fic That Has Stuck With Me For Over A Decade )

Thank you to everyone who commented on Zeph's post. <3

Anyway, I'll be doing the Snowflake challenge days I missed here (except for the most recent one which I'll put in another post).

( Read more... )

I have made a community for the hobby of data hoarding! You can find it at

datahoarders .

There will be some changes to this journal. Going forward I will be posting access list only, so if you'd like to be on my access list please let me know in the comments. I'm also going to put most or maybe all old posts access-only too.

I also changed my username. I used to be c*****n. I'm trying to leave behind my old internet presence and create a new one, buuuuuuuut I now have a paid account on this place for the rest of the year and I don't want that to go to waste by making a new account. So yeah.

This is mostly because of the system host change but also for a lot of other reasons I'm going to outline in an access locked post. Edit: as of 11/27/24 12:18pm EST I've added everyone but feel free to ask if you see this afterwards and still want access!

I celebrate Vague Winter Holiday. I've been fulfilling wishes at

holiday_wishes, and would like to post my list here for anyone interested. If you have a list I haven't commented on, please let me know. I can't really spend any more money than I already have fulfilling wishes, but non monetary wishes I can grant I'd love to do for you. Here is the link to my page.

Also lol I accidentally deleted this yesterday

thefridayfive

1. Where do you get ideas/inspo for your writing? Generally I draw from my real world experiences and my own thoughts about/relationship to the world. Writing is intensely, deeply personal for me! I also like to look to nature, to my family and pets, and to other works of literature and art for inspiration.

2. Do you have a favorite place to write? I love writing outside in my front yard, watching the squirrels run around and the cars pass by. It's really peaceful! It's a habit I only picked up recently and I'm so glad I did.

3. What are your tricks for getting through writers block? I really like doing the stream of consciousness exercise to get my creative juices flowing. You set a timer for, say, ten minutes and write without stopping for the entire ten minutes. Just anything at all that comes to mind. I usually get two results: it's either incoherent or pretty good. I've published a few of them here and here.

4. Favorite genre to write? Do you have a different favorite genre for reading? Science fiction and horror. And science fiction-horror. Pretty much that's it.

5. What is something you really want to write but haven't gotten around to yet? Uh, most things? I'm dreaming up a short story collection featuring sapphic sci-fi stories right now...

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Motel - Meg Myers

Just found this comm

thefridayfive and decided it might be fun to do every friday!

1. What's a song you'd enjoy screaming along to as you drove down the highway? I have a whole playlist for this, but my personal favorite car screamers are Tainted Love and Thong Song lol. I don't drive for disability reasons, but have spent many evening drives singing these with my mom.

2. What is your favorite place/type of environment to relax? I really love going to the library, either to read or write. I find that I'm really only able to get writing done when I leave the house, for some unknown reason. And I live very close to my city's library, so I like going down there with my laptop and chilling. It's really calming and everyone is so nice there. And writing, of course, is my relaxation.

3. What are the best kind of dreams? I don't know! The good kind, I suppose? Lame answer I know... Maybe ones that connect you better to others, or give you realizations or something. I recently had a dream I was a mother, which I've always wanted to be but cannot be for various reasons, so that one was really nice but I ended up missing my daughter so much when I woke up, haha, so that's always a downside to good dreams---they're over when you wake up.

4. What do you look for in a mate? Empathy, kindness, humor, and understanding. And, since fiction is a huge part of my life, we should at least share some interests there too lol.

5. If you were a crayon color, what color would you be and why? I think I'd be a mint green! I love mint green :D I also recently chose mint as my color for the Neocities club "pantson colors".

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Agnes

December 2025

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Page Summary

2026!
sighh
you're the only one i wanna talk about
let me take your hands i'm shaking like milk
what's that in the sky? flying by?
And I keep pulling more out of the bag like I'm Mary Poppins
10.14.25
hi :)
Where have I been? + July fandom roundup
[insert gif of Mr. Nobody partying here]
Three Weeks for Dreamwidth?
Snowflake Challenge Rec Countdown!
In Which I Catch Up On The Snowflake Challenge
Community promo!
Some Changes...
Holiday Wishes
The Friday Five, Nov 08, 2024
the friday five, october 18, 2024

Active Entries

1: 2026!
2: sighh
3: holiday loveee
4: promoing some cool stuff
5: let me take your hands i'm shaking like milk
6: what's that in the sky? flying by?
7: fic title meme :P
8: FIC OR TREATTT 2025
9: And I keep pulling more out of the bag like I'm Mary Poppins
10: 10.14.25

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Base style: Ciel by carisma_sensei
Theme: Bubblegum by momijizukamori

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Agnes

Entries tagged with personal

2026!

sighh

you're the only one i wanna talk about

let me take your hands i'm shaking like milk

what's that in the sky? flying by?

And I keep pulling more out of the bag like I'm Mary Poppins

10.14.25

hi :)

Where have I been? + July fandom roundup

[insert gif of Mr. Nobody partying here]

Three Weeks for Dreamwidth?

Snowflake Challenge Rec Countdown!

In Which I Catch Up On The Snowflake Challenge

Community promo!

Some Changes...

Holiday Wishes

The Friday Five, Nov 08, 2024

the friday five, october 18, 2024