february events roundup & update
Mar. 1st, 2026 03:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
toothpastepancakeI've been strugglinggg again lol. It's always really hard when I don't get to talk to the people I love and it makes me spiral really bad. But I'm finally starting to feel a little better today - I didn't get my pills consistently for a bit and that always fucks me up beyond measure...
I remade my personal website again. It runs off Wordpress now. Because I realized the main thing that is important to me when it comes to a personal site is ease of use---I can create new pages on a form, it isn't tedious to add new things to the site, I can easily add tags, I can still use HTML blocks, etc. I'm still keeping my Rails & static sites up so I can experiment with HTML/CSS/ROR, and I'll still be working on them quite a bit, but my main personal site will be here. I have been working on adding some of my personal writing to it!
I realized I really want to try college again. Summer is the only time I can go on campus (because my family won't drive in the snow, which we get during both the spring and fall semesters, ugh, thanks Michigan!) and I really miss being on campus. I'm just worried I won't be able to complete it---that I'll get overwhelmed and drop out again like I did the last 4 times. But I LOVE school and I have nothing else to do. And honestly? Seeing everyone I love have things in their life to do that takes up their time while I'm just sitting here with nothing.. it really sucks. It just ends with me sitting around waiting for people to notice me. I need things to DO! Because... making more friends, I guess, does not appear to be in the cards for me :(
I wish I didn't need so much interaction but I do. I feel so distant from everyone these days. I still haven't recovered from losing my friends (or people I thought were my friends, I guess.) I don't know how to stop letting past abandonment get in the way of my current friendships.
I just wish there was anywhere on Earth that I fit in.
Felt kinda bad for hyperfixating on M/F ships during femslash feb, like I was betraying my brand lol. I ended up deleting my high adrenaline signup sadly. Because of the depression mentioned above. It sucks because I love that exchange but I think exchanges for me right now are too much. I want to focus on prompting events more, I think. And original stuff too.
I had crazy fun with beagoldfish and elasticella's salad bar events!! I cannot wait for the second beagoldfish in July. I'm gonna do a masterpost of all my fills for both below.
BEAGOLDFISH FILLS;
Extraordinary 2023 fic: Jen Regan/Andy Douglas, Explicit, Incest and dubcon tw | Hey sister (I feel it too)
Gravity Falls: Mabel Juice Recipe
NBC Stumble: Sally + Sally/Courteney, Fanmix, DEPRESSED (I'M NOT I TAKE MY MEDS)
Pluribus: Zosia Icons
The Orville fic: Alara/Kelly, T | so black & blue for you
Star Trek: SFA fic: Nahla/Caleb, Explicit | deep sea, baby
Star Trek: SFA gifset: Nahla/Caleb | link
Star Trek: SFA playlist: Nahla/Caleb | 15 years (it's just a question of time)
FEMSLASH FEB SALAD BAR FILLS;
love & indifference, Star Trek: SFA, Nahla/SAM (one-sided) | Salad 1 of Hard Mode (Love & Indifference, Remove, & 111 words)
no bolt nor brick nor crucifix (can hold it back), Star Trek: SFA, Nahla/Anisha | Salad 1 of regular mode (salad 1: Enemies that Fuck, Boot Kink, I have been wicked / I have been arrogant)
freelove, Star Trek: SFA, Nahla/Jett/Lura | Salad 3 of regular mode (Polyamory, Bondage, i'm only here to bring you free love)
freezing, infected, and rigid, Star Trek: SFA, Nahla/Anisha | Salad 5 of regular mode (Unrequited, Dubcon/Noncon, freezing, infected, and rigid in that room inside her)
no other witnesses, just us two, The Orville, Alara/Claire | Salad 6 of regular mode (Infidelity, Piercing Play, when I was checking vitals, I suggested a smile)
I remade my personal website again. It runs off Wordpress now. Because I realized the main thing that is important to me when it comes to a personal site is ease of use---I can create new pages on a form, it isn't tedious to add new things to the site, I can easily add tags, I can still use HTML blocks, etc. I'm still keeping my Rails & static sites up so I can experiment with HTML/CSS/ROR, and I'll still be working on them quite a bit, but my main personal site will be here. I have been working on adding some of my personal writing to it!
I realized I really want to try college again. Summer is the only time I can go on campus (because my family won't drive in the snow, which we get during both the spring and fall semesters, ugh, thanks Michigan!) and I really miss being on campus. I'm just worried I won't be able to complete it---that I'll get overwhelmed and drop out again like I did the last 4 times. But I LOVE school and I have nothing else to do. And honestly? Seeing everyone I love have things in their life to do that takes up their time while I'm just sitting here with nothing.. it really sucks. It just ends with me sitting around waiting for people to notice me. I need things to DO! Because... making more friends, I guess, does not appear to be in the cards for me :(
I wish I didn't need so much interaction but I do. I feel so distant from everyone these days. I still haven't recovered from losing my friends (or people I thought were my friends, I guess.) I don't know how to stop letting past abandonment get in the way of my current friendships.
I just wish there was anywhere on Earth that I fit in.
Felt kinda bad for hyperfixating on M/F ships during femslash feb, like I was betraying my brand lol. I ended up deleting my high adrenaline signup sadly. Because of the depression mentioned above. It sucks because I love that exchange but I think exchanges for me right now are too much. I want to focus on prompting events more, I think. And original stuff too.
I had crazy fun with beagoldfish and elasticella's salad bar events!! I cannot wait for the second beagoldfish in July. I'm gonna do a masterpost of all my fills for both below.
BEAGOLDFISH FILLS;
Extraordinary 2023 fic: Jen Regan/Andy Douglas, Explicit, Incest and dubcon tw | Hey sister (I feel it too)
Gravity Falls: Mabel Juice Recipe
NBC Stumble: Sally + Sally/Courteney, Fanmix, DEPRESSED (I'M NOT I TAKE MY MEDS)
Pluribus: Zosia Icons
The Orville fic: Alara/Kelly, T | so black & blue for you
Star Trek: SFA fic: Nahla/Caleb, Explicit | deep sea, baby
Star Trek: SFA gifset: Nahla/Caleb | link
Star Trek: SFA playlist: Nahla/Caleb | 15 years (it's just a question of time)
FEMSLASH FEB SALAD BAR FILLS;
love & indifference, Star Trek: SFA, Nahla/SAM (one-sided) | Salad 1 of Hard Mode (Love & Indifference, Remove, & 111 words)
no bolt nor brick nor crucifix (can hold it back), Star Trek: SFA, Nahla/Anisha | Salad 1 of regular mode (salad 1: Enemies that Fuck, Boot Kink, I have been wicked / I have been arrogant)
freelove, Star Trek: SFA, Nahla/Jett/Lura | Salad 3 of regular mode (Polyamory, Bondage, i'm only here to bring you free love)
freezing, infected, and rigid, Star Trek: SFA, Nahla/Anisha | Salad 5 of regular mode (Unrequited, Dubcon/Noncon, freezing, infected, and rigid in that room inside her)
no other witnesses, just us two, The Orville, Alara/Claire | Salad 6 of regular mode (Infidelity, Piercing Play, when I was checking vitals, I suggested a smile)
