toothpastepancake

Happy New Years Eve, everyone! 2025 has been… filled with a lot of ups and downs, but it ended up being the best year of my life so far. I'm so grateful I stayed alive to see it!

In 2025, I finally started treatment for a 20-year-long treatment-resistant depression that actually worked. I had tried every widely available drug, including off-label usage, and still could only think about how much I wanted to die every day. Finally, I started a newer one, Auvelity in combination with ketamine treatment, and that's the thing that worked. Now I don't want to die! It can still be hard sometimes, but I am so, so proud of myself for hanging on and getting through it. I'm so glad I'm not 24/7 death anymore.

In 2025, I learned a goal that I have always wanted to: self-host my own websites. Goodbye Neocities! I just built my own personal website in Ruby on Rails. I self-host Archive of our Own and expanded the code to have new features. I host a bunch of different websites. I have always wanted to have the ability to do these things, but I never saw myself as capable enough to even try. A lot of this is due to encouragement from my wonderful friends—you know who you are. If you have helped, encouraged, guided, cheerleaded, or even listened to my ramblings on these silly nerd topics—thank you. Seriously.

In 2025, I found people who I trust to truly love and care for me. This is a feeling I haven't had since I was about 18. Many of my friends before were highly judgemental and mean to me--they also didn't even notice when I disappeared from my old social media accounts. (I don't have irl friends because I'm housebound lol). I feel like I have a solid group of friends now. I'm so grateful for each and every one of my friends—and for you all too even if we've never talked before!

In 2025, I got an amazing bird who I love to bits and pieces!! Gotta get her in for a nail trim. Love you, Saira.

In 2025, I wrote 127.8k words!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the most productive year of writing I have ever had. A lot of it is because I started doing fic exchanges this year, and I've had so much fun with those!!

My 2025 has been great. I hope you have all had a wonderful 2025, and will have a wonderful 2026.