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toothpastepancakeHello DW!
I am struggling still :") I saw the sleep doctor today, who informed me that in order to get the test that diagnoses narcolepsy/IH, I have to go off all my psych meds for 2 weeks. The psych meds that are literally keeping me alive because my depression is so bad. I cannot do the test, I cannot get meds that keep you awake without the diagnosis, so basically I am screwed to just stay asleep forever. Awesome!
I see my other doctor about an oophrectomy for PMDD tomorrow, and so I am really hoping I am going to be able to get that done and covered by insurance, because this disorder is driving me crazy like, I'm on two medications for treatment resistant depression and a bunch of other meds too, if I'm not better now then it's probably medical--and considering how cyclical my symptoms are (they get worse around the middle to end of the month, then ease up from the late end of the month to the middle of the month) I am thinking it's this. I am hoping my doctor will put me on lupron (she did once, but that was before I had any TRD treatments, so I wasn't ready for the emotional effects of menopause LOL) which is a sort of oophrectomy trial run and then we'll see if it improves my mental health at all in the coming months. Please pray for me/hold me in the light/give me good vibes/smoke a joint for me/whatever you do.
I've decided to try school again! I changed my program to religious studies :) I realized I am too emotionally involved in creative writing and as a backup plan it is not a viable career choice unfortunately, but spirtiuality cannot easily be replaced by AI. I hope to get my MDiv one day, specializing in queerness or disability within religious studies. I'm Quaker, and I've always found religion interesting. Anyway I signed up for it this fall, starts Aug 20. I'm taking African-American Literature, Ethics, and Intro to Religion for my first semester. I think those classes are perfect for getting me back into the swing of things; I am especially excited for the literature course as I have gotten back into reading again even more so than in my last update :D
I wish I had more to report beyond this but, alas, I have largely been asleep for most of my days. I'm losing my therapist of four years, the first therapist I've ever truly been able to open up to or feel even somewhat safe around, so that's been breaking me. Um... one of these days I'll have a positive thing to say in one of these. I miss being able to engage in my hobbies like tech stuff. After a difficult experience (that I admittedly handled terribly) with Sunset recently I've been pulling away from it psychologically for a bit :(
Anyway I want to get back to working on my website (if you want to exchange buttons; let me know; here's my site!) and working with Ruby and embroidery and everything that brings me joy. It's just been really hard to find motivation.
I'm so excited for the next round of![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
doodle4doodle , the only exchange I'll probably be doing for a while now. It's my favorite exchange and I love making things for it. I'd love to treat you if you are participating.
Recent fandom is Grace Krilanovich's The Orange Eats Creeps. I wrote about it in a previous update, where I said I didn't vibe with it. I changed my mind. It's incestuous, it's insanely beautiful, it's fun, it's tragic, it's Everything. I've been saving passages from it on my digital garden if you want to check it out, and I wrote the first fic for it on AO3, in which I try (and probably fail) to capture Krilanovich's style mixed with my own.
I haven't been doing a lot. I picked up another claim for 10trueloves! Caleb, unsurprisingly. Only doing the 5 table one for him because I am picky with my Caleb ships. But I'm probably going to pick up Alara Kitan again and I'm also only 2 fics away from completing Nahla's.
I've been getting back into Severance, specifically Cobel/Mark, because I'm really into older woman x younger man these days, it seems. I'm now doing a very slow rewatch from the beginning.
Anyway, I got the tomodachi life game and have been having a lot of fun making Miis of my blorbos. My SAM and Caleb Miis just got married!! And my mii (in the icon for this post!!) lives with Nahla lol. It's such a fun game. I hope they continue to update it with more content.
Anyway, that's all for today. If I can get the energy I hope to do some of the 3W4DW questionairres.
I am struggling still :") I saw the sleep doctor today, who informed me that in order to get the test that diagnoses narcolepsy/IH, I have to go off all my psych meds for 2 weeks. The psych meds that are literally keeping me alive because my depression is so bad. I cannot do the test, I cannot get meds that keep you awake without the diagnosis, so basically I am screwed to just stay asleep forever. Awesome!
I see my other doctor about an oophrectomy for PMDD tomorrow, and so I am really hoping I am going to be able to get that done and covered by insurance, because this disorder is driving me crazy like, I'm on two medications for treatment resistant depression and a bunch of other meds too, if I'm not better now then it's probably medical--and considering how cyclical my symptoms are (they get worse around the middle to end of the month, then ease up from the late end of the month to the middle of the month) I am thinking it's this. I am hoping my doctor will put me on lupron (she did once, but that was before I had any TRD treatments, so I wasn't ready for the emotional effects of menopause LOL) which is a sort of oophrectomy trial run and then we'll see if it improves my mental health at all in the coming months. Please pray for me/hold me in the light/give me good vibes/smoke a joint for me/whatever you do.
I've decided to try school again! I changed my program to religious studies :) I realized I am too emotionally involved in creative writing and as a backup plan it is not a viable career choice unfortunately, but spirtiuality cannot easily be replaced by AI. I hope to get my MDiv one day, specializing in queerness or disability within religious studies. I'm Quaker, and I've always found religion interesting. Anyway I signed up for it this fall, starts Aug 20. I'm taking African-American Literature, Ethics, and Intro to Religion for my first semester. I think those classes are perfect for getting me back into the swing of things; I am especially excited for the literature course as I have gotten back into reading again even more so than in my last update :D
I wish I had more to report beyond this but, alas, I have largely been asleep for most of my days. I'm losing my therapist of four years, the first therapist I've ever truly been able to open up to or feel even somewhat safe around, so that's been breaking me. Um... one of these days I'll have a positive thing to say in one of these. I miss being able to engage in my hobbies like tech stuff. After a difficult experience (that I admittedly handled terribly) with Sunset recently I've been pulling away from it psychologically for a bit :(
Anyway I want to get back to working on my website (if you want to exchange buttons; let me know; here's my site!) and working with Ruby and embroidery and everything that brings me joy. It's just been really hard to find motivation.
I'm so excited for the next round of
doodle4doodle , the only exchange I'll probably be doing for a while now. It's my favorite exchange and I love making things for it. I'd love to treat you if you are participating.Recent fandom is Grace Krilanovich's The Orange Eats Creeps. I wrote about it in a previous update, where I said I didn't vibe with it. I changed my mind. It's incestuous, it's insanely beautiful, it's fun, it's tragic, it's Everything. I've been saving passages from it on my digital garden if you want to check it out, and I wrote the first fic for it on AO3, in which I try (and probably fail) to capture Krilanovich's style mixed with my own.
I haven't been doing a lot. I picked up another claim for 10trueloves! Caleb, unsurprisingly. Only doing the 5 table one for him because I am picky with my Caleb ships. But I'm probably going to pick up Alara Kitan again and I'm also only 2 fics away from completing Nahla's.
I've been getting back into Severance, specifically Cobel/Mark, because I'm really into older woman x younger man these days, it seems. I'm now doing a very slow rewatch from the beginning.
Anyway, I got the tomodachi life game and have been having a lot of fun making Miis of my blorbos. My SAM and Caleb Miis just got married!! And my mii (in the icon for this post!!) lives with Nahla lol. It's such a fun game. I hope they continue to update it with more content.
Anyway, that's all for today. If I can get the energy I hope to do some of the 3W4DW questionairres.
