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toothpastepancakeHey all! I've been meaning to post more on here, but I have been asleep pretty much at all times. More on that below :')
I'm about to leave for my polysomnogram. I had one a few years back before it got this bad and I couldn't end up getting to sleep, so I'm really worried about that. I'm changing a few things up this time so hopefully that will help. I also wasn't as bad with sleep back then as I am now. Even on 800-1000mg of caffeine and 15mg of adhd meds, I Fall Asleep Constantly. I Sleep Constantly. I Literally At Legitimately All Times Feel Like I Haven't Slept In A Week. I have every symptom of Some hypersomnia disorder---hallucinations, sleep drunkenness (slept through a fire alarm blaring three feet behind my head!), sleep paralysis, fragmented night sleep/insomnia, everything except cataplexy as far as I can tell. But I've been having a breakdown for the past hour about how many times doctors have told me it's all in my head.
What if it takes me a normal amount of time to enter REM, and it really is all in my head? I remember dreaming extremely vividly during naps of 30 minutes or so, but I could be wrong. I have been told all of my issues are psychosomatic ENDLESSLY. And to be fair I'm severely mentally ill and traumatized so some probably is, but this just feels excessive--I've always fallen asleep really easily, but it's never been quite this bad, never me falling asleep in the middle of conversations or appointments or.... fire alarms... I've always been able to control it until the past 6-7 months of shit. I know I complain about this CONSTANTLY but you would too if you felt weeks of sleep deprivation after sleeping for 23 hours straight.
I'm so so stressed about this. On TOP of it all, I am somewhat sure I am also having some sort of hormone issue, due to some of the mental health issues I've been having. Did you know that a hysterectomy for PMDD is not a treatment unless both ovaries are removed? I didn't, despite having one for that reason, and they left one in! So while it helped a lot, it was also kind of pointless for its actual intended purpose!! And no one fucking told me!! So now I gotta go on Lupron, pray it doesn't cause me to get worse depressed, and go through another surgery if chemical menopause works. Fun! I have heard oophrectomies are significantly easier but ALSO I found out I went into respiratory depression under my last surgery for a Bit and no one told me... So :)))
That's all, that's all I have for the personal section, just a bunch of complaining. It's![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
3weeks4dreamwidth and I so desperately want to be able to participate more (promoing my stuff later on) but I can't even exist. :/
I've been writing a lot of Starfleet Academy fanfiction, and I've found myself hyperattached to Caleb Mir lately... like INSANELY attached. I really relate to him and I think in the stress of what I mentioned in personal combined with my own ptsd memory stuff, I have gone a bit too far with how attached I am to him. I don't think this for any other reason besides that I make like 50 posts about him per day per social media account. I have not liked a male character so intensely and genuinely in... since I was 17? Maybe ever? I just want to protect him augh. I really love him. I really love him!!!!!!!!
Anyway! I am having fun with 3W4DW. I have been running a few events I will post about later when I come home and have actual energy (if that happens.) I want to participate in more...
Oh!! Sunset's first exchange has one pinch hit left.... check it out here!
Okay, I'm falling asleep BEFORE my psg so I have to end here.... I will try and post more frequently :)
<3
I'm about to leave for my polysomnogram. I had one a few years back before it got this bad and I couldn't end up getting to sleep, so I'm really worried about that. I'm changing a few things up this time so hopefully that will help. I also wasn't as bad with sleep back then as I am now. Even on 800-1000mg of caffeine and 15mg of adhd meds, I Fall Asleep Constantly. I Sleep Constantly. I Literally At Legitimately All Times Feel Like I Haven't Slept In A Week. I have every symptom of Some hypersomnia disorder---hallucinations, sleep drunkenness (slept through a fire alarm blaring three feet behind my head!), sleep paralysis, fragmented night sleep/insomnia, everything except cataplexy as far as I can tell. But I've been having a breakdown for the past hour about how many times doctors have told me it's all in my head.
What if it takes me a normal amount of time to enter REM, and it really is all in my head? I remember dreaming extremely vividly during naps of 30 minutes or so, but I could be wrong. I have been told all of my issues are psychosomatic ENDLESSLY. And to be fair I'm severely mentally ill and traumatized so some probably is, but this just feels excessive--I've always fallen asleep really easily, but it's never been quite this bad, never me falling asleep in the middle of conversations or appointments or.... fire alarms... I've always been able to control it until the past 6-7 months of shit. I know I complain about this CONSTANTLY but you would too if you felt weeks of sleep deprivation after sleeping for 23 hours straight.
I'm so so stressed about this. On TOP of it all, I am somewhat sure I am also having some sort of hormone issue, due to some of the mental health issues I've been having. Did you know that a hysterectomy for PMDD is not a treatment unless both ovaries are removed? I didn't, despite having one for that reason, and they left one in! So while it helped a lot, it was also kind of pointless for its actual intended purpose!! And no one fucking told me!! So now I gotta go on Lupron, pray it doesn't cause me to get worse depressed, and go through another surgery if chemical menopause works. Fun! I have heard oophrectomies are significantly easier but ALSO I found out I went into respiratory depression under my last surgery for a Bit and no one told me... So :)))
That's all, that's all I have for the personal section, just a bunch of complaining. It's
3weeks4dreamwidth and I so desperately want to be able to participate more (promoing my stuff later on) but I can't even exist. :/I've been writing a lot of Starfleet Academy fanfiction, and I've found myself hyperattached to Caleb Mir lately... like INSANELY attached. I really relate to him and I think in the stress of what I mentioned in personal combined with my own ptsd memory stuff, I have gone a bit too far with how attached I am to him. I don't think this for any other reason besides that I make like 50 posts about him per day per social media account. I have not liked a male character so intensely and genuinely in... since I was 17? Maybe ever? I just want to protect him augh. I really love him. I really love him!!!!!!!!
Anyway! I am having fun with 3W4DW. I have been running a few events I will post about later when I come home and have actual energy (if that happens.) I want to participate in more...
Oh!! Sunset's first exchange has one pinch hit left.... check it out here!
Okay, I'm falling asleep BEFORE my psg so I have to end here.... I will try and post more frequently :)
<3
