The Big About Me & My Journal Post

[toothpastepancake]

 I hope this doesn't show up on reading pages, I unclicked that option because I'm pretty paranoid about pissing people off through spam.... but I thought I'd make a more in-depth about me post, since I want DW to be my main platform and so I feel like people should know more about me than the vague handwave I have in my profile?


My name is Agnes. I'm 23 as of writing this---my birthday is June 27. I split off of the former host so I'm very similar to it with also a lot of differences.

I'm fictoromantic, which means I'm mostly attracted to fictional characters, though I do feel romantic attraction to IRL people sometimes, it's just rare (aromantic spectrum). When I feel attraction to IRL people, it's... really anyone who isn't a man. I say lesbian because that's basically it and that's easy to describe, but also it's Complicated. Because I have dissociative identity disorder, my identity has fluctuated a lot over my lifetime, so you may have seen me under the names Lex, Rydian, Silas, October, Solstice, Zoelle, Keegan, or the 55 others I genuinely cannot remember for the life of me (I'm not exaggerating the number, these are only the longest-used ones). I've been all over the LGBT spectrum, from gay trans man to lesbian to straight trans man to lesbian again and finally landing hopefully-firmly at lesbian. The former host spent several years transitioning to a man before our DID diagnosis, though we stopped that transition in 2019. I now identify my gender as just not being a big deal---I don't Think about it. If I had to label it, it'd be "I'm an alien!" and nothing else. I don't know, I just work here.

I am disabled. I have a lot of disabilities. I have autism, a rareish genetic disorder that affects my connective tissue, severe postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome and several forms of chronic pain. I'm medium support needs with my autism, which means I require a bit more care than some autistic folks on social media do, and the severity of my disabilities is often a source of stress and alienation for me. I am also severely mentally ill even outside of DID. I do esketamine treatments every week and sometimes post about them. I had severe treatment resistant depression until those treatments and now my depression is manageable, but I still struggle with my OCD and other more stigmatized disorders I may mention offhand but don't want to put in an about me post. I'm currently on psychiatric DAC (Disabled Adult Child) benefits in my country, so I don't work and I at present am not in school, though I plan to go to school for wildlife biology and creative writing soon. 

I'm a writer, and I've been a writer since toddlerhood. I do quite a few open mic events these days. Writing for me was an outlet for my initial traumas and pain, and now it is my entire life, what I live and breathe. If I wasn't able to write, I wouldn't be able to live. Poetry and creative nonfiction are my ultimate loves but I do just about every form of writing except songwriting. I do make experimental music with lyrics, but it's just for fun and Very Much not intended to be taken seriously. I do digital art and I love making zines and I love making interactive art/Twine games and I love being not-so-great at crochet but crocheting anyway. I also enjoy scrapbooking and journalling. I want to make a visual novel at some point, and some fandom dating sim fangames. I write fanfiction and have been writing fanfiction since 2013--more about that in my fandom journey post. I also like making fan graphics. 

I'm huge into science fiction worldbuilding, conlangs, and making up lore for my favorite media. I have several writing projects I'm working on: reposingforce which holds all the information for the novel I've been working on since 2021, a complex space opera entitled Fate Harvested, an untitled cosmic/psychological human/monster sapphic novel, and a memoir.

My life has gotten even more stressful as of late. Some ongoing things I post pretty frequently about in weekly updates: trying out dating apps and trying to find IRL relationships after only doing long distance dating, a potential flee-the-country move to Central America (likely Costa Rica) and navigating that, trying to make more IRL connections and do more IRL events after 23 years of isolation due to social ineptitude caused by autism, navigating current political events as a disabled person who relies on social security and medicaid to live, having grown up on Tumblr/other social media and how having that as my main social sphere has affected me quite negatively and how I'm currently trying to unlearn all the toxic mindsets it drilled into me, and other stuff. 

I'm currently trying to shift away from my other social medias and have DW as my main platform. I have been using Tumblr since age 9, and I'm tired of the culture on that site, as well as on Twitter/X. 

My journal is half-fandom, half-IRL stuff. I'm currently working on the Fannish 50 challenge. I have some darker interests in fictionI , try not to post about any kind of discourse/controversial topics, but unfrotunately people do attack me for my harmless fictional interests so my frustration does slip through in posts sometimes..

I dress "alternatively" (for lack of a better word---I feel like alternative has a darker implication, while I just mean alternative in its literal sense). I love fashion and violating all fashion rules. I love bright contrasting colors, pinks and greens, "80s" aesthetic, fun patterns (especially wearing multiple clashing ones at once), clothes that people stereotypically associate with older women, giant chunky earrings and over the top jewelry, and anything that people leave on the thrift store rack for months because it's "so ugly". My fashion is a key part of who I am. I should post my favorite outfits of the past one of these days...

I'm spiritual. I used to identify as a particular religion but I no longer do. I believe in a loving God who doesn't care what you do as long as you're kind to others and be the best person you can be. I do not believe there is one correct belief system and I do not judge others for their religion or for not having one. I also believe in witchcraft and I have psychic mediumship abilities and practice divination. I love to talk about spirituality but I prefer to do it one on one so I don't post about it, aside from divination posts.

I use medical marijuana a lot. I call myself a "stoner" as a joke. I've dabbled in psychedelics but decided only marijuana is for me. I don't really drink. I don't judge people for being addicted to any substance and I don't judge people for not being into substances. I find that marijuana helps me be my best, calmest self, keeps me happy, and most importantly helps the severe pain I'm pretty much constantly in. I don't talk about this a lot here.

I have 4 pets, 3 cats and one dog. Most of my animals are elderly and I care for them dearly. I have an emotional support animal, my cat Athena who I rescued in 2016 and nursed back to health, and we've been bonded ever since. She's my best friend.

On here I talk sometimes about the following people: my various tumblr friends, my ex R who I am still friends with but have difficult feelings about, my immediate family (I live with my mom who is my caretaker and my maternal grandparents) and my extended family, former/distant friends I have complicated feelings on. I see two therapists and many specialists.
 
Ah, well... I think that's it for now. I may update this if I think of more.

Comments

[petit_elan]

What a fabulous update. I look forward to getting to know you more. :)

[2005]

LOVE your blog, especially the design of it, looking forward to see more posts!!

[toothpastepancake]

Thank you!

[nondenomifan]

From one mentally and physically disabled person on the autism spectrum to another, *safe, gentle hugs* I don't know much about dissociative identity disorder, but I know you were put here on this Earth for a purpose and no one has the right to say otherwise.